and...

suddenly I feel like I'm in way over my head

good.bad.

Sending my girlfriend home to her parents' house for the night. Bad.
Lunch with a good friend I don't spend nearly enough time with and her two younger boys. Good.
Ross on a Saturday afternoon with infant in tow. Bad.
Hearing that my girl's little sister is asking about me. Good.
Having to sleep alone then get up early(ish) in the morning. Bad.
An hour in the house by myself for the first time in a week. Good.

paranoid much?

five six seven eight

The roommate dance is a tricky tricky dance that I obviously can't do without tripping - a lot - and falling on my face. I have two left feet when it comes social interactions...with my 2 roommates and girlfriend...so 3, count 'em 3 other people in the house. That's 4 people, a dog (soon to be 2 dogs) and a cat all living under one roof. I've only ever had one roommate at a time so this is a whole new experience for me. It amazes me how much innuendo and assumptions play a role. I have a bad day and suddenly the whole house thinks I don't like them. Or my house mate is cranky and I'm racked with guilt over whatever it is that I must have done to upset them. I think we finally hit the breaking point where we've figured out that we (gasp) actually have to talk to each other. I'm expecting it all be uphill from here. I'm learning that I can't always wear my opinions and emotions on my sleeve and sometimes I have to play nice simply for the sake of peace. I've never been all that good at that. But considering work stuff it's probably a good skill to learn. I always thought that once I got out of college my roommate days would be over. But here I am, almost 27 and having to learn how to live and play well with others. As long as I don't run with scissors I'm safe.

growing up

So I've always had this theory that when people grew up it just happened. You'd be living your life then suddenly blink and be an adult. I was wrong. I find myself in the most bizarre position of having to grow up. I've been in the same profession for years. 11 to be exact and I've certainly put in my time and worked my way up through the ranks. Last month I unexpectedly had the next big professional step fall into my lap. And now I'm questioning everything. Especially when it comes to my professional image. One of the big things I've always loved about my job was that jeans/t-shirt/flip-flops were my daily uniform. I have my ear lobes stretched to a 00g and tattoos on my chest. I've always been taken seriously by those around me as I've always done more than what was required of me and therefore earned more respect and responsibility. It's still those same people looking at me every day and having to answer to me but suddenly it's all different. Do I take out my earings? Do I make it a point to cover my tattoos? Do I actively hide the fact that I'm a lesbian? I feel too young to be in this position and am therefore trying to overcompensate to prove I really am a professional. It kind of makes me want to go back to my undergrad years.