Sweet and Bitter

As sad as it is to see one more state uphold it's ban on same-sex marriages, I'm relieved and comforted to know that my friends and peers who are part of that 18,000 are still married. Until the rest of the country comes to it's senses we'll just protect ourselves legally as best we can and keep trusting in the support of our friends and family. We've received unexpected support from colleagues, family and old family friends and those family members who were less than accepting seem to be slowly coming around.

D and I offer no apologies to those who disagree with our lifestyle. We'll continue living like any other engaged couple staying up until the wee hours making invitations, agonizing over the idea of pre-wedding diets and looking for a new house.

Don't divorce my friends...

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Stop the H8

Today I joined over 3000 people on the steps of Austin's City Hall for a protest on California's Proposition 8. It amazed me the number of straight people who were there supporting their gay brother, sister, cousin, mom, friend etc...

We found out about jointheimpact.com last week and watched the site explode with national support. I printed out the logo "Stop the H8" on iron on transfers and made us t-shirts and this afternoon we headed downtown. Scared that no one would show, I insisted that we drive past first before hunting for parking. As we approached City Hall there were a few people walking around holding flags and signs. Then we turned the corner and it was amazing. All you could see were thousands of people with signs and flags and dogs and babies. It was so overwhelming being part of such a demonstration. But devastating at the same time, knowing we were all there begging for the right for gay people to marry. It seems like such a benign basic right. If you don't agree with two women or two men marrying, don't do it but why must you insist on taking away my basic human rights?

Now it's my turn. To get involved in any way I can and to vote vote vote. Until then I'll continue living my life in a relationship that is just as valuable as your marriage.

disillusioned...

I was that kid who made church pews out of scrabble square holders and had my barbies get married over and over and over. I watched Cinderella and teared up at the thought of that someday being me. I'd sit in church and day dream about how it would look when I got married there. I'd cut pictures out of my Seventeen and YM magazines to show what kind of dress I wanted (strapless, poofy, princess gown). I hit high school still day dreaming about my perfect wedding. Somewhere in there I started to realize that my Prince Charming wasn't going to be a man. That doesn't matter. I still want the dress and the flowers and the ring and the happily ever after. And so does she. She wants me to have that dream wedding I've always wanted. Hell she sends me links to wedding blogs (apracticalwedding.com Love!) and we aren't even engaged. Everything is perfect.

Except the church.

I grew up in the Episcopal church. I was nurtured and taught and loved and I've never once felt discriminated against. Until now and it absolutely breaks my heart. I'm supported and accepted as long as I don't expect the same rights as everyone else. As long as I remember that I'm different. What hurts the most is that there is no official discrimination. According to the Episcopal church the bishop can actually grant a priest's request to 'marry' a same sex couple. Unfortunately I live in Texas. I went out on a limb and emailed my childhood priest asking him where the church currently stood. He wrote me back this incredibly thoughtful and supportive email letting me know how happy he is to hear I'm happy and in love and that he'd be more than happy to provide pre-marital counseling for us but he can't marry us. He caught hell from the bishop for simply attending a same sex union much less officiating one. He explained that the bishop faces pressure from the fancy conservative high churches (thank you Houston and Dallas) who threaten to pull their funding if he so much as smiles in the way of same sex unions.

So that's it. I can't walk down the aisle that my parents walked down in the church where I was baptized and raised and taught about God and love and the difference between right and wrong because I'm gay. He kindly offered to talked to churches in California for us if we liked but it's not the same. I keep entertaining ideas of us becoming members of one of the gay friendly churches in Austin who will marry us but it's not the same. Maybe I'm being a stubborn kid about this, but it feels to me like having to go out and find a new parent to walk me down the aisle because, while my current parent loves and supports me, he doesn't agree with me marrying a girl so I'll have to find someone else to stand in. That's not love. That's not support. That's not acceptance. I think maybe it's time to do some serious lobbying to the new bishop in town or it's time to find a new church. Permanently.